I’d Wear a Clap-Off Bra for Christopher Plummer

Dear Readers (and Listeners, if you are one of those people who gets read to in the car from the mobile device of your passenger’s choosing),

Oh, I’ve missed you so.  There’s been little time for writing.  Besides a busy work schedule, I had family in town and then went to the Motherland (Wichita Falls, Texas) for a couple of days to visit my folks.

Only my daughter and I went to Wichita Falls; the boys had other plans.  We used that time with my mom to craft funky tutus for my daughter’s upcoming dance party and watch The Sound of Music four times in twenty-four hours.  It was glorious!

I love that movie, and now I’m inspired to throw myself a “Girls in White Dresses with Blue Satin Sashes” party.  When I was little, I wanted to be Liesel because she was beautiful, she could sing, and Rolf kissed her.  Now I think that Rolf was just an ugly Nazi, but I never got over Liesel’s romantic dresses.  However, I came of age during the 90s, and donning a dress sans work boots and librarian glasses would have pegged me as a freak.  So instead of being pretty, I wore plaid flannel shirts, hemp necklaces, and Doc Martins during my teenage years.  Grunge was…rebellious, unpretentious, exactly what we needed???  But it wasn’t retro, glamorous or sweet.

I was so pretty.

So, there would be nothing odd about me making up for lost time and wearing a long white dress with a blue satin sash around town now, right?

Just like there’s nothing unusual or excessive about throwing your three-year old a Sound of Music birthday party, complete with homemade green curtain jumpers for all the guests, RIGHT?  This girl did.*

I’m being sarcastic.  It’s totally weird, mainly because Christopher Plummer’s hotness was completely lost on those kids.

Christopher Plummer was so sexy…wow.  But the good thing is that my husband looks very much like his grandfather, who HAD CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER HAIR.  So now I’d really like my man to get over the 2012 haircut and go retro for me.

Debonaire: It's the hair. HEY THAT RHYMES!

Other revelations and happenings during the past two weeks:

1. Since my last post, Dave Barry responded to me!  He wrote, “Don’t worry, you didn’t smell any worse than we did.”
2. I’m going to write something useful in the next few weeks—look for a series on my rental house purchase compared to my parents’ rental house experience.
3. Useful, you say suspiciously, fearful I might disappoint?  Don’t worry, there was a provocative peephole installation.
4. As for the I Ate My Twin post, we have not received pictures of mismatched body parts despite my request.  HOWEVER, I have verbal confirmation of third nipples, webbed feet, real-life tumors with hair and teeth inside, and more awesome gruesomeness.  Well done, strange creatures of the universe!
5. Today I searched for images of clapping, and pictures of bras came up first.  Naturally, I was curious, and apparently there are instructions for a Clap Off Bra on this site.  I thought the public should be aware.  What’s most odd to me is that the creator was simply trying to keep up with advances in lingerie technology from SYRIA.  What we can learn from the Syrians: a repressed sexual culture leads to greater lingerie ingenuity.  If Steve Jobs had lived in Syria, women could be equipped with touchpads…oh, nevermind.  This will go downhill fast.

Auf wiedersehen, goodbye!

*Sew Weekly/Sound of Music party girl: I’m sorry for making fun of you. I’m jealous of your sewing abilities, and I’m sure your daughter will one day appreciate Captain Von Trapp.