Have you ever had a bear experience? Like with a real, live animal? To me, bears are funny circus performers, snuggly teddys, and, at their most ferocious, school mascots. Don’t challenge them at basketball, but otherwise, you can walk right up and banter knock-knock jokes back and forth.
Two bear stories were published in my local paper in the past couple of weeks, and both affirmed the adorableness of bears and people from Vermont. (Vermonters have maple syrup wafting from their pores. It’s so sweet!)
The first story was about the governor of Vermont – the Head Honcho as we say in Texas – but I believe Vermonters call him Syrupy Statesman. His name is Pete Shumlin, and his official website says this: “He…can sometimes be found spreading manure and cutting hay at his farm.” You gotta love a guy who spreads manure when he’s not pulling maple taffy.
Anyway, according to the Associated Press, Pete had a “late-night encounter with four bears trying to snack from backyard birdfeeders.” It was just a little snack, but Pete did what any top dog would do in a movie: he ran outside half-naked and chased the bears away. Of course, the biggest bear decided to chase him back, and the governor barely “escaped.” This is a joke, right? ‘Cause it sounds like he wanted to wrastle with a cuddly black bear. The governor ran into his house and slammed the back door on the bear, effectively ending the playdate. The big bear was only six feet away from frolicking with the almost-naked governor. How cute is that??? A scantily-clad Vermonter roughhousing with a furry black bear? Those two cuddlebugs! Syrupy Statesman has part of it on tape, but he’s refused to release it. Too bad, ‘cause I’d pay to see that, just like a Will Ferrell movie.
Imagine him in his undies playing with a chubby bear! That sounds way weirder than I intended.
The other story was from the University of Colorado, Boulder. A bear was roaming the campus for over a week, probably just looking for a circus trainer to work with. Administrators got concerned because that’s what they do – suck the fun right out of everything. They had the bear tranquilized and removed from the campus. Once the drugs hit the bear’s bloodstream (so peaceful), he let go of the tree he was resting in and fell onto a trampoline. Just like the circus! Anyway, here’s a picture that will make your day:
This is a real, unedited photo! Credit: AP Photo/CU Independent, Andy Duann
Awww, they took the picture right before he did a combination triple axle/back flip. The Canadian judge (um,me) gives him a 7.8 in technical but a 8.4 in performance. Medal worthy? Unknown at this time. Stay tuned!
Melissa, this bear can no longer win a medal. He’s DEAD. For real. I read that he tried to come back into Boulder and got hit by two cars. I bet the other competitors are secretly happy.
2012 version of a tire iron?
Checking location of all relatives of Tonya Harding and her pets…just in case.
I think these are one animals that I prefer in my 8 year old daughters playroom. I have seen some deadly grizzly’s in Alaska and thrust me they are HUGE, much bigger than these black bears.. they really look dangerous!
Darin, I agree. This bear reminds me of Will Ferrell. I want to hug him!
That is the best pic ever!
Why would the governor admit to having something on film if he didn’t want to share it? Makes me wonder what else he was doing with the bear.
Reanna, that is a really good point. Maybe he is sharing with select audiences, like password-required secret bear rolling societies.