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9 Good Reasons to Keep Hoarding

So, who else here is a hoarder? Everyone who likes to be prepared, that’s who. High five!

I had to move stuff from my closet last week for a home improvement project, and I tried to sort through my mess. It was agonizing.

Lots of solid arguments for keeping clothes popped into my head.

1. What if there’s some kind of small town civil war where I live, and I have to prove my longstanding loyalty to the high school football team? I will need this knit picked team sweatshirt to demonstrate I’ve been a fan since 2006.

2. What if I need to dress like a Sesame Street character for some kind of sketch comedy? Even though I have never done sketch comedy? But you never know. I might need this primary blue sweatshirt I bought at Walmart several years ago. It’s a good costume base.

3. I’ve already kept this for 12 years, so I might as well keep it a little longer.
Note: the stuff that is 15-25 years old is in a special section of my closet that is no longer subject to this kind of questioning.

4. Aw, I remember when I helped with that charity event and got the t-shirt. What if I want to make a t-shirt quilt out of all the activities I did in my 30s? PTO, Booster Club, the over 30 beginner soccer league — these things meant something! Why is it cool to make a t-shirt quilt from your younger years but not adulthood? That’s not fair.

5. I’ll save these jeans for if I go horseback riding. Every woman needs some sturdy Gap denim from 2002 for horseback riding. I’ll save these 2016 AG jeans for if I go horseback riding and want to look more stylish, like if it’s a horseback riding date with my husband. Wait, it appears I already have a stack of horseback riding jeans that I forgot about, even though I’ve been on a horse less than 10 times in my entire life.

6. I’ll keep this other old pair of jeans in case I find myself on the frontier or a ranch of some sort and I have to chop down tall grass with a machete. This sturdy denim will keep the ticks off of me, too.

7. I need all of these old jeans. Modern, soft jeans with stretch won’t hold up like the kind from 2002. What if the world falls apart and we need our sturdy denim? I’ll probably chop the frontier into submission in my J. Crew jeans from 2010 because they are a decent compromise between sturdy and stylish.

8. So I should probably save this shirt too, because it’s the perfect Little House on the Prairie shirt that says we’ve had it tough but we still want to wear flowers and stay optimistic. And the white cotton will reflect the sun for when I’m chopping down the grass with my machete. Note: I need to purchase a machete.

9. I might want these old, black spandex leggings that were pre-athleisure wear because what if I play some prank where I want to sneak around at night and be invisible, without any of the reflective stripes? And also this prank could be messy, and I don’t want to get paint/vomit/slime/mud on my Lulu.

Ultimately some of these reasons were deemed better than others. If you think of any good pranks, lemme know. I’m donating some black spandex, but I saved some too. Just in case.

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