At Home Depot or Lowes
Me: “Excuse me, where can I find the _______?”
Helpful store employee: “What do you need it for?”
Me: Thinking that’s a nosy question, but I answer anyway.
“I’m building/fixing/planting/painting/poisoning _______.”
(Overly) helpful store employee: “Why do you want that product?
Have you considered ______ instead?”
Me: Annoyed, because no one should question the hours of Internet research I’ve devoted to solving this problem.
My dad HATES to be asked what he’s working on. He’s a construction and mechanic expert who does not need advice. Plus, he considers it an invasion of privacy when someone asks him what he’s building. Is the part in stock or not, buddy?
We came up with a list of ridiculous projects to claim we’re working on the next time a store employee asks. Feel free to use these responses for yourself.
“Why do you need that part?”
1. Give your best crazy eye and exclaim, “Oh, we’re GOING to Mars!”
2. “My dolphins need a bigger cage.”
“You mean aquarium?”
“No, a cage.”
3. “Umm…have you heard of the book 50 Shades of Grey? I’m building that room.”
4. “Ghost trap. I need a ghost trap — in a hurry.” Be sure to look panicked and use spooky hand gestures with this one.
5. “I’m building a pan to hold the WORLD’S LARGEST FLAN!!!”
6. “My butt has a crack in it.”
7. “I’m a producer for the new reality show Oops! You’re Dead!”