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Eight helpful foodie tips you haven’t heard yet

Everyone has their own opinions on what makes good food. I was reminded of that during the Romanian Food Festival last weekend. I suspect the little skinless sausages were made of some very powerful lamb, which we are not used to at all. To us it tasted like gamey Slavic sweat, and my husband said he knew why Dracula (from Romania) switched over to feeding on humans.

Between that and the helpful reader comments on Brussels sprouts and squash from my last post, I thought about all the helpful foodie hints that I’ve collected over the years, and I want to share.

  1. As of this weekend, I know that lamb + caraway seed = smells and tastes like a band of Gypsies.
  2. People who eat the grapes in fruit salad march to the beat of their own drummer. Weirdoes!
  3. Even when you are in an alcohol and snack emergency, DO NOT MIX Flavor Blasted Goldfish and red wine. This causes a flavor blasted chemical reaction that will make your whole party very ill.
    sick from wine and Flavor Blasted Goldfish

    Consuming two glasses of wine and Flavor Blasted Goldfish will chemically react to create another kind of blast that you do not want to experience. Hey, I didn’t have any other snack food at my house, okay? This is a reenactment, but in real life, I passed out in the restroom for an unknown amount of hours. My friends who partook in the Goldfish had this too. WEIRD.

  4. We get spoiled to Halloween bounty very quickly. Look at me complaining about the Butterfingers and Snickers polluting our candy bucket.
  5. There is no wrong time to add a pepper of some kind to your food, but too much Cinnamon Trident will permanently burn your tongue.
  6. Do not enter a roach eating contest, no matter how tasty they look. A man in Florida recently died from eating 50 live roaches to win a competition. The prize was a python, but he never even got to enjoy his new snake because he was dead.
  7. Nobody knows what the blue Gatorade is called, but it probably includes the word blast. And what’s the clear flavor called? How are we supposed to speak intelligently about drinks that don’t have fruit names to match the color?
  8. You can eat this candy and consider it a health food because of the ginger. Just like I do with those delicious Ricola cough drops! They’re medicine.

No matter what, eat your veggies and have a lovely day!

 

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14 Comments
  1. I have, oddly enough, experienced the Red Wine/Flavor Blasted Goldfish and all of the problems that arise thereafter. HORRIBLE. How two of my favorite things can make me so sick when combined is beyond me. But it’s not fair.

  2. LOL, noted, do not mix! Great post, funny!!

  3. Oh I needed a good laugh today, so thank you! Also, for the record, vodka and oreos cause unpleasant blasts, as well.

    • Thank you for reading! And thanks for the tip on the Oreos and vodka. I could see that being a problem in my house at one point or another.

  4. 2. Regarding item #2: GUILTY. Regarding the “weirdo” label: Put “my own drummer” on your Christmas list. Get THAT, and you’ll be eating chicken salad with grapes from Arby’s (and sitting down INSIDE the eatery to properly enjoy it) before New Year’s Eve hits. Oh yeah…

    • It’s now my goal to stop by an Arby’s within the next year or so (keepin’ it real) to eat the chicken salad. I WILL eat the grapes. Grapes are okay in other salads, just not fruit salad. It’s all about comparisons. Grapes are better than chicken but worse than watermelon. Do I have to sit inside the Arby’s? Is it really necessary to properly enjoy it?

      • Sad news. I stopped in at Arby’s three days ago and learned they’ve discontinued the Chicken Salad with grapes and walnuts. So…I asked him about other options. When he came to what I THOUGHT he said was the “Turkey Vegan Ranch Sandwich”, being the quasi-health nut I am, I jumped. Alas, when he handed me the sandwich at the drive-thru window, he confirmed my order: one Turkey BACON Ranch sandwich. I was too embarrassed to change my order. (Think about what I bought into–a turkey VEGAN sandwich. I need a dictionary…) It was good. It was also $5.83–for just the sandwich. My piggy bank says I’m going to be making my own Turkey Vegan–or Bacon–or whatever—Ranch sandwiches from now on.

  5. “The prize was a python, but he never even got to enjoy his new snake because he was dead.”

    That was easily my favorite sentence. Haha I really enjoyed this, so I’ll be back!

  6. I ccannot imagine touching a roach, 50 of them together is a nightmare and eating them is something I would never do so I have to ask why the hell this guy ate 50…… snake or no snake?

    • I think God got tired of the ol’ “taking people out in car crashes” thing. He decided to get creative with this guy.

  7. Nice. Very helpful and information. I’ll share this with my friends in Facebook.

  8. Friday, December 14th, 2012. Chicken salad, with Grapes AND walnuts sighting in the salad bar at Market Street in Colleyville, TX. Take THAT Arby’s!

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