When you were little—or maybe yesterday—did you dream of what your stage name would be if you were a Hollywood actor or actress? I remember being surprised when I found out that actors sometimes went by fake names and that it was totally accepted. When I was 10, I fantasized about my Hollywood persona. Stretch pants, cool hats, braces, bigger hair, and the name Tina was what I desired. It was so teenager-y! And it makes for really horrible imagery now.
If I broke a limb, that would be even better for my career because there was nothing cooler than signed casts and, if you were lucky enough, crutches. My BFF and I used to jump out of my grandma’s trees hoping to land wrong and shatter bones, but we were never able to join the ranks of those with plastered arms and legs. It’s so sad when dreams die. If fate had been on my side, I could have been the famous, slightly immobile, Tina McTeenager, living in LA down the street from Molly Ringwald.
Anyway, no sense dwelling on what could have been. Now in real life I’m involved in a women’s club that puts on fundraisers for charity. I’m even the Communications Chair for the group, which makes me a real fancy-pants. Through the women’s club email address, our group was contacted a couple of weeks ago by a Hollywood TV producer who is casting for a reality show!
Here’s part of the email: (We’re)…developing a new docu-series for a Major Cable Network that will explore the dynamic lifestyles of strong-willed and well-to-do women of the church. These women are known in their community for the work that they do, and most of all for their BIG PERSONALITIES. They throw parties and charity functions, love to socialize and be in the public eye, but no matter what, God, family and their church always comes first! These women are also physically beautiful, and are most likely in their late 20’s to early 40’s.
My first thought: There is no way anybody I know would do this. It sounds so Housewives, and the show will make everyone look like hypocrites. Who wants to be embarrassed on tv? NOBODY. I laughed about it with everyone I saw over the next couple of weeks. And we dared each other to call.
I thought that there was no way I’m trashy enough to do anything like reality tv, and then I was like, “Yes, I am!” And somehow I got talked into calling the producer and telling her I was interested. The conversation was much less salacious than I’d hoped. I wanted her to divulge juicy show details on the phone so I could blog about it, but she was disappointingly normal. I told her up-front that I’m a “silly humor blogger” and “not glamorous,” which were the wrong things to admit if I wanted my chance in Hollywood. She did say that if I could round up several friends in my local area who are interested, that would improve our chances.
By a stroke of fate, my cousin’s phone got messed up yesterday and assigned my picture to another name. On FACEBOOK! That’s so cable-series appropriate! It’s like Hollywood finally spoke to me and revealed the name that will bring me fame:
Stephen Wigley III.
So now I have three questions for you:
- What’s your stage name?
- Do you want to be on reality tv?
- What will your trashy reality show catch phrase be?
If there’s one thing we can do together, it might not be solving world hunger or bringing back Full House. But I think we can land this reality tv show, y’all.
Steven Wigley III
blogger, Facebooker, actress
*Disclaimer: Please don’t Facebook request Steven Wigley III ’cause it’s not me. I have no idea who this guy is. I hope he has a sense of humor, though.
**Update to this post: Just to clarify, I’m not really going to try out for this reality tv show. I thought that proclaiming my stage name as Steven Wigley III would have made that obvious, but certain people (including my husband) were concerned that I was serious. However, I really do have the contact info so if you would like to try out, message me and I’ll pass your info along.