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Here You Are, Ranked Above the Fire Ants

Oh my goodness, Dear Readers.

I didn’t mean to offend you. I realized today that my last article was about ruthless prioritization and then I didn’t post in a month. Skeptics would say that my readers are not important to me, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

The reality is that I’ve been very busy with the only things that take priority, which are mainly family and work. Here’s a true illustration of my commitment to you:

I have fire ants in my bed. Every few nights or so, one or two mysteriously appear on my side of the bed, deep in the sheets. This has been going on for a couple of months. The fire ants seem near death when I find them every morning because I destroy them in my fitful sleep, but still.

When I first found a few ants in my room, I deep cleaned and had the pest control guy out and whatnot. My mattress is new, and I wash my bedding vigilantly. The ants went away for a while, but now they’re back to get me. The only explanation I can come up with for the new ants is that there’s an air vent over my side of the bed, and one fire ant at a time drops down from the ceiling occasionally.

Every day I forget to call my pest control company about the new ants. The owner goes to my church, and I told him about this issue on Sunday. He asked why I hadn’t called, and I shrugged. I’m too busy with other things to worry about fire ants biting my legs in the middle of the night. On Monday, he called me to follow up. I still haven’t returned the call.

Because of the the ants — and possibly the wine — alligators, snakes, piranhas, and more snakes visit me each night in my dreams and snap at me.

But here I am, posting on this blog when I could be taking action against the things really causing the bites on my behind.

So, the blog ranks here: God, family, work, the hit TV series Homeland, blog readers, urgent fire ant problem.

I hope you know how much I appreciate you all.


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  1. I’m so glad it’s an ANT problem that you are having and not an AUNT problem~ Hopefully, now that you have addressed your readers, you can call pest control.

  2. I think you’ve got your priorities a little more balanced than mine. They go something like – work, family, dog, blog, washing laundry, cooking, drying laundry, dishes, folding laundry.

  3. ERMGER! THANK GOD you’re alright.

    I was getting really, really, REALLY worried.

    Anything could have happened to you! You could have been vacationing in Siberia and struck by that rampaging meteor! Or, you could have been trapped aboard an impotent Carnival cruise ship adrift in the Gulf of Mexico with 4,000 petulant cruise folk!

    Please let me know AS SOON as you have handled your fire ant problem, as I will almost certainly be very, very worried about it until you do.

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