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Pandora Charm and Bead Bombs

Pandora bracelets—you’ve heard of ‘em, right? They’re pricey charm bracelets sold in jewelry stores all over the world. Pandora offers interchangeable pieces and a multitude of charms and beads to go on the bracelets. It’s big business.

While it’s not really my thing—my taste doesn’t extend beyond plastic costume jewelry—it’s nice to have an easy gift to buy for my family members who do enjoy collecting the charms. Pandora has a bead for everything. You can buy them to commemorate events and symbolize vacations, people, or activities. For a limited time, you can even buy a Black Friday charm that looks like a little gift box.

Andy and I saw a Pandora commercial last night, and it made us laugh. It’s so cheesy—please enjoy: Jared Galleria of Jewelry commercial for Pandora on iSpot.tv. The fact that they blush over the Red Hot Love bead made us crack up. It was late, and I was under the influence of cold medicine, but still.

The beads and charm choices are designed with the blushing suburban lady in mind. If you are that woman, Pandora wants you to “express your personal style.” But how can Pandora executives judge what women want? And Pandora likes to push the limits to find new best sellers, so they put riskier charm choices in select test markets to see how they perform.

But sometimes women reject these test market charms, and family members are too scared to buy them as gifts because they might not be well received. Believe it or not, there have been charms on the market that were potentially more embarrassing than the Red Hot Love bead, and some were simply depressing.

Here’s a list of Pandora charms that were such poor sellers they were immediately removed from shelves, never to be spoken of again. And now, Tall Curly Biscuit presents…

Pandora Bombs

  1. Stomach Flu Weekend 2012 Charm with flecks of viral matter suspended in amber
  2. The Nagging Charm in sterling silver
  3. Serpent Cult Charm in silver-plated lead
  4. Wealthy Industrialist “I once laid off 500 workers” Bead in 14k gold
  5. Television Viewing Charm with abstract gold design
  6. Teenage Pregnancy Charm with enamel umbilical cord, baby, and school bag
  7. North Korea Charm in matte gray with uranium
  8. 5000th Load of Laundry Charm with cubic zirconium chips
  9. Anal Sex Charm in murano glass
  10. The Hider Bead for storing small amounts of cocaine in a non-reactive murano glass screwtop
  11. Second Cousin Once Removed Family Love Charm with red enamel heart
  12. Low Cholesterol Achievement Bead in wood

Rumor has it that a few Pandora marketing folks will be fired over some of these bead decisions for what the company says was “a total lack of judgment with regard to our target market.”

Did you discover any other Pandora Bombs before they were yanked from the shelves?

*Thanks to Andy who came up with all of these while I rolled on the floor laughing. ♥

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4 Comments
  1. ah, fancy italian glass made anal sex charms….i know i told my dude that i don’t go in for jewelry much, but we may have to make an exception *just* so i can tell everyone who asks what it is…and i would shake it in people’s faces to make sure they did ;)

    • I bet you can make your own fake Pandora bracelet with personalized charms…and then put it on Pinterest so I can see it!

  2. Laughed. Out. Loud.

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