The following is how I remember a recent phone conversation with my mother.
Me: I cut some bangs on Tuesday. Well, had them cut. The stylist did it.
Mom: What? You’re joking. You did not do that.
Me: Yeah, I really did. They look cute, I think. They’re long and to the side, not the straight-across bangs.
Mom: You didn’t, did you? Why would you cut bangs? You’re joking. No, no, no, no, no.
Me: Yes, I really did. I thought it would be fun to have some long, swoopy bangs like the 20 year olds I’ve seen around town. <— true wisdom
Mom (laughing incredulously): But you have curly hair!
Me: But the bangs aren’t curly—they’re straighter.
Mom: Are they flat against your head? How does that work? You have CURLY HAIR. This sounds weird.
Me: No, they’re not flat. They’re poofy.
Mom: Like the 80s??? What? Why would you do that, especially before Fashion’s Night Out??? (She’s helping with a charity event associated with it, and I’m going too.)
Me: I think it looks fine. They’re long, side bangs. It must not be that different from my normal hair. I’ve had them for a week and nobody has even really noticed.
Mom: What do you mean nobody has noticed? You cut BANGS.
Me: Nobody has said anything about it at all.
Mom (laughing): Maybe it’s because your hair looks so hideous, nobody wanted to comment. They learned from their mothers that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Me (chuckling nervously because I realize she’s right): That’s a good point. But Andy said he likes them, and the kids do too.
Mom: Let me talk to them.
So, that’s my mom. We’re honest with each other. I once told her to burn the dress she had on because I thought it was so ugly. She likes to bring that up.
Update: Andy called me from the other room, and I yelled back, “HOLD ON, I’M FIXING MY BANGS!” And it was like some Disney magic transported me back to 4th grade, and I put on these earrings:
Oh, and don’t worry, y’all. Until my bangs grow out, I have all this totally awesome late 80s adolescent costume jewelry to choose from: