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A Phone Conversation with My Mom and a Bangs-Induced 80s Flashback

The following is how I remember a recent phone conversation with my mother.

Me: I cut some bangs on Tuesday. Well, had them cut. The stylist did it.

Mom: What? You’re joking. You did not do that.

Me: Yeah, I really did. They look cute, I think. They’re long and to the side, not the straight-across bangs.

Mom: You didn’t, did you? Why would you cut bangs? You’re joking. No, no, no, no, no.

Me: Yes, I really did. I thought it would be fun to have some long, swoopy bangs like the 20 year olds I’ve seen around town. <— true wisdom

Mom (laughing incredulously): But you have curly hair!

Me: But the bangs aren’t curly—they’re straighter.

Mom: Are they flat against your head? How does that work? You have CURLY HAIR. This sounds weird.

Me: No, they’re not flat. They’re poofy.

Mom: Like the 80s??? What? Why would you do that, especially before Fashion’s Night Out??? (She’s helping with a charity event associated with it, and I’m going too.)

Me: I think it looks fine. They’re long, side bangs. It must not be that different from my normal hair. I’ve had them for a week and nobody has even really noticed.

Mom: What do you mean nobody has noticed? You cut BANGS.

Me: Nobody has said anything about it at all.

Mom (laughing): Maybe it’s because your hair looks so hideous, nobody wanted to comment. They learned from their mothers that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Me (chuckling nervously because I realize she’s right): That’s a good point. But Andy said he likes them, and the kids do too.

Mom: Let me talk to them.

So, that’s my mom. We’re honest with each other. I once told her to burn the dress she had on because I thought it was so ugly. She likes to bring that up.

Update: Andy called me from the other room, and I yelled back, “HOLD ON, I’M FIXING MY BANGS!” And it was like some Disney magic transported me back to 4th grade, and I put on these earrings:

Closeup of my awesome orange slice earring from 1988. They go with my bangs.

Fashion's Night Out circa 1987, here I come!

Oh, and don’t worry, y’all. Until my bangs grow out, I have all this totally awesome late 80s adolescent costume jewelry to choose from:

My bad earring collection from the late 80s.

I kind of feel like a hoarder right now. Did you keep stuff like this? Please make me feel better and admit it.

Wohoo! Now, relax and go back to the time when you heard the name Tom Cruise and thought of Top Gun. You’re welcome.
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  1. I confess… I had dozens of pairs of 80’s earrings like the ones in the photo! In fact, I think I had those same fish earrings in an orangey-red color. sadly, I gave them all away to a charity garage sale last year…

    • Awww…Lynn…if you had kept them for 5 more years, they could have been on Antique Road Show, like mine!

  2. Sorry, but I don’t remember a time when pig earrings were ever in style. if you keep the other ones long enough they may come back in style or at least be good to wear for Halloween.

    • Hahaha–if you blinked, you may have missed the pig earring trend. It was probably only on the New York runway and never made it to Texas. I’ll test them out at Fashion’s Night Out next week.

  3. I feel you on the bangs. When I got my hair cut yesterday, I think I went over the fact that I DID NOT want straight-across bangs about 50 times before I’d even sit in the chair, even though the stylist had them and I was probably insulting her. She’d still refer to the swoopy bangs as just “bangs,” and I’d correct her every time JUST IN CASE there was a misunderstanding with the first 50 times I’d clarified.

    I’ll bet your swoopy non-bangs are really cute. You could always glue a hair clip to the back of one of those pig earrings and make yourself a sweet hair accessory. If you can’t find a banana clip, that is.

    Oh, and if it helps, I still have an ear cuff from that era. Remember those? Actually my husband found it a few days ago and wore it around as a nose ring until I noticed. Joke’s on him – apparently I don’t look at his face that often anymore because eventually he had to point it out. 😉

    • Hahaha! Thanks for the laff!
      I only saw your FB photo–post more pics of your new do! I liked mine until today. I had to bust out the curling iron but it didn’t help. I walked around all day with bangs that behaved like the man’s eyebrows in my last post. They stuck out in every direction.
      So I read your comment yesterday and then had smoked pork for dinner. Then, in my dream last night, I had done as you suggested and made the pig earring into a clip. I wore it in the commercials I recorded as the spokesperson for the pork industry. I have not seen the Honey Boo Boo character from the reality tv show, but I’m pretty sure I was like her. It was really more of a nightmare except for all the money I made from bacon royalties…

  4. Hahaha – you’d better patent that idea before the bacon industry steals it (or Honey Boo Boo does). 🙂

  5. Last time I started talking about wanting bangs, my husband actually called my mom to have her tell me not to get them because I look fat with them.

    Also, I think I still have that parrot earring.

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