Questionable Judgement: Products and Marketing Gone Wrong

Hello, Dear Readers!

Monkey mug full of Stash hot tea on humor blog Tall Curly Biscuit

As I sit here with a monkey mug full of my 4th serving of hot tea for the day, I’m questioning everything that’s transpired over the past two weeks.  Should I have insisted that my daughter perform her comedy routine in the school talent show even though she didn’t feel good?  No.  I thought she was just nervous or had constipation, but she ended up in urgent care that night.  However, she gave a slammin’ performance despite suffering what turned out to be a severe infection.  High five, stage-moms everywhere!  Should I be more prepared for power outages?  Yes.  Should I have attempted to kill a snake with a hand-held jigsaw?  No.  Do my dreams about blood-sucking vampires mean anything?  I hope not.

I’ve also come across some debatable products and marketing services recently, and I’m asking your opinion.  We can question everything together.  First, take a look at this condom box.  This brand has been around long enough for almost everyone to recognize it.

Magnum condom box featured on humor blog

Condoms from the Shades of Grey cart staging adventure

Now check out this ad:

Magnum ice cream bar image on humor blog

I hope they don’t pass out ice cream bars in my son’s high school level health class next year.

I wonder if anyone in the ice cream bar marketing department realized that their new campaign was eerily similar to the condom branding.  If so, I would’ve loved to have been in those meetings.  If they did it on purpose, and I think so, I have a request to make other mundane products sexier.  Think of what turning Magnum could do for oatmeal!  Heart disease prevention has never been more exciting!  Thoughts?

Sexy Magnum Quaker Oatmeal Log for Humor Blog

 

Next, let’s explore the possibility of applying mathematical formulas to shorts in order to prevent sagging butt cheek exposure.  I think that shorts should not be sold if the diameter of the waistband measures two times or more than the length of the shorts.  How do you feel about this?

Mathematical formula applied to short shorts on humor blog

Please make wise decisions.

 

Finally, I urge the people of Gap to stop smoking crack.  They’re trying to get women to show our cracks with hideous one-piece, semi-backless jumpsuits.  This product should never be sold at Gap, never in denim, and never in any size above small.  How unflattering can you get, Gap?  However, I do owe Gap thanks for providing me and my mom a good laugh.

Semi-backless jumpsuit from Gap is hideous.

For only $89.95 (sale price!) you can have this jumpsuit. Thanks to my mom for taking these pics. She was very worried that other customers would think I was buying this.

 

*Bonus question: What is Target trying to sell with “durable lace?”

Panties from Target say "new soft durable lace."

My friend V says it's so that "if the friction gets high, your panties won't fly."

What have you come across that should not be sold or has a questionable marketing campaign?  Besides Oklahoma tourism, of course.  Just kidding, I’m going there in July.

**Bonus statement: While I’m questioning judgement, I’d like to brag that Robyn at Hollow Tree Ventures, who is one cool chick I totally plan on meeting in real life at a blog conference some day and wreaking havoc with, has nominated me for TWO blog awards, the Lovely Blogger Award AND the Liebster Award!  Wohoo!  I only questioned her judgement for a second before deciding to pretend that I totally deserve these awards.  Thanks, Robyn, for being the first to award my greatness!  I feel honored to be nominated by you and your funny blog!

***Bonus warning: (We had a lot to catch up on.) I’m a wanted cart staging criminal according to this picture, so now I can mark that off the bucket list without having to go through with any future evil plans!

Wanted poster for Tall Curly Biscuit, humor blogger.

This comes from the president of my fan club who also happens to be my aunt. Thank you, J! By the way, she's the only one who can call me "doughy." You've been warned.

 

All signs of good judgement are gone; I’m creating an new award called the Magnum Award.  More details to come!

19 Comments
  1. I might question the wisdom of advertising ED pills with old people in bathtubs. If there is one thing more disturbing than elder sex, it’s elder hygiene.

    • Yes, it brings to mind skin fungus problems, just like with nail salons. Ewww.

  2. Magnum oatmeal may pose a problem. Imagine how embarrassing it would be for the wife to have to tell their husband that they are just an “average” oatmeal kinda guy.

  3. I have stress dreams about the zombie apocalypse. For both our sakes, I hope your dreams and mine don’t mean anything! Oh, and my husband and I were just discussing how weird those Magnum ice cream commercials are!

    • They have Magnum commercials? Awesome! I must search this…
      I think my vampire dream did mean something–that I can’t wait for TrueBlood to return. Oh, and that the person who was the vampire might be trying to kill me in real life.

  4. Angela, you are too funny! I am honored to be the President of the TCB fan club!

    • So you accept the position? 🙂

      • Of course I will! If you will forgive me the doughy description. I didn’t know it was such an insult until I looked it up on the Urban dictionary web site . I should have said “somewhat flaky” instead to more aptly describe you! Or at least the “doughy” side of you~

  5. LOL, Magnum Oatmeal! A burst of flavour…

    I have always loved this ad from the Globe and Mail: http://www.rockthesinglelife.com/2012/03/26/32/ Somebody had to look at that and see the wrongness of it.

  6. Hahaha–“burst of flavour…” The ad is hilarious! Stream of your Dreams?

    • Yeah, right? I don’t even know what the Globe is trying to do with that… sell sperm, maybe?

  7. The thing is, I’ve had Magnums and they’re really really good to lick and suck! 😉 Preferred flavour being Vanilla with chocolate coating.

  8. What in the blue hell is that jump suit all about!

  9. I think jumpsuits are questionable at the best of times, but with dodgy back openings…? Maybe it’s so you can pull up and display the durable lace on your knickers? I think there was possibly one person who ever truly rocked a jumpsuit and since that was in 1975, in the age of disco, she had an excuse. And no, I don’t have photographic evidence. (Why, Gramma, didn’t your phones have cameras in those days? Darlin’ we didn’t have phones. Grandchild collapses and has to be resuscitated. With a Magnum. ICECREAM!)

    • I think I had a dress with a back opening like this when I was three, and I remember being embarrassed when I looked back at the ripe old age of 6 and saw the pictures. With so much knowledge and communication in the world today, why do we still have war and anything with a back opening?

  10. The Magnum marketing issue was only topped by the truly frightening jumpsuit – what the hell were they thinking?

    A friend told me he was at Friendly’s with his family. Reading the menu he noticed that Fudgina was listed as one of the sundae desserts. Note to product designers and marketers – say the name out loud before you put it on your family friendly restaurant menu.

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