Teacher Trips to Bali Raise Student Test Scores! And Tuition!

I’m borrowing from Saturday Night Live, but REALLY???  I just received a fancy brochure in the mail advertising a local private school, and one of the pictures under the heading “Spiritual & Moral Development” features three 3rd grade teachers who were sent to Bali to learn about environmental sustainability.  BALI!  As in the beautiful island 9,000 miles away.

I’m sure there’s a prudent reason why the school chose to send teachers to Bali instead of the local recycling plant or natural science museum.  They probably had to come up with yet another creative method to dispose of all the giant piles of money crowding the school hallways.  Plus, their Internet was down so they couldn’t Wikipedia “thatched roofs” to learn about sustainability the way you and I could.  Sad, really.

I contacted the school for comments, but the secretary was on a yacht (work related), the art teacher was participating in Gender Obsolescence Extreme Human Performance Art (continuing ed credits), and the science teacher was on a shuttle bound for Mars so he could get a better grasp on the planetary curriculum for 2nd graders.  Another teacher was in Ghana to learn about poverty (true story!)

This is an official invitation to those school administrators:

Please come over with an extra briefcase full of cash and send me on a Spiritual and Moral Development trip.  I’m totally depraved, and I’ve been teaching my kids pedestrian information like how to make cupcakes, use commas, and appreciate Gwen Stefani.  We could use some divine inspiration from Spain, Thailand, or Turkey right about now.  I’m also open to Bali if that’s all you’ve got.

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